The 7 stages of playing Monopoly

If you are a human being living on planet earth then there’s a good chance that you’ve been involved with the tedious board game that is Monopoly. This game has the ability to make and break relationships, and turn you into a monster pretty much. I once met a person that was actually banned by his family from playing Monopoly with them, months later i played monopoly with him and found out why.

So last Sunday night boredom ensued and my boyfriend got out his new iPad and downloaded Monopoly, i thought oh how delightful and modern lets play! 3 hours later i was cheating and he fell out with me. So here are the 7 stages of playing monopoly.

Stage 1

Somebody suggests the idea of Monopoly and every one is like yes this is a great idea what could possibly go wrong? so you all sit down to this wonderful game…

Stage 2 

There’s always one person who buys everything and starts building hotels and houses, which subsequently starts to grate on everybody else really quickly…the atmosphere is becoming more tense, this isn’t for fun anymore this is serious; Monopoly is now your way of life not just a game.

Stage 3

Somebody hits the Community Chest jackpot and get the card “You’ve won second prize in a beauty contest collect £10”. “Oh well obviously” says the person. You all now look at this person like you hate them, maybe if you’re nicer you force a laugh.

Stage 4

Somebody owns Park Lane and Mayfair, you’re jealous, you wanted those.

Stage 5

ITS REALLY TENSE RIGHT NOW one person is nearly bankrupt whilst one person is loaded and lauding it around every one else. They offer to buy your properties so you have money, but you stubbornly decline you can’t say goodbye to Park Lane and Mayfair right now it’s just too god damn hard. Going to jail right now would be a good thing.

Stage 6


You trust nobody. You’re convinced the banker is dipping his hand in the bank, are they all plotting against you? Monopoly has now become a test of your mental state…can you take this pressure? By now somebody has already threatened to quit.

Stage 7

the boards been flipped your relationship with the other monopoly players is different now…people discuss who won, somebody will claim it was them because they had more “assets”…never play this board game with a barrister.



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