Imagine being sat with a woman who did her post-graduate degree in Cantonese, had climbed to the base camp of Mount Everest, and could also speak 4 different languages…impressive right? Now imagine that woman is sitting in your group job interview, telling her tales of her achievements in the most over the top way possible. In other words this woman knew she was the shit and had no fear in completely acting like she owned this room, I was completely screwed. I knew I was screwed, all hope I had about this job at the start had run out of the door down the hall and into the lift. When all else fails me humour does not, but even my sense of humour had run off with my hope, they were now hailing a taxi outside of this building I was on my own.
It was the usual group interview scenario, an aptitude test of the highest level of difficulty that I had no chance of ever passing. Mainly due to my poor below average mathematical skills, I have no skills, I have just about the right amount of maths knowledge to work out 25%, 50%, 70%; and this is only because Accesorize never used to mark their sale items down in price, but instead stick a % off stick on the item.
One question was working out what two books would be on the same shelf through a series of clues. Unfortunately “I don’t give a shit” was not an option. This all reminded me far too much of the infamous Google job interview questions I’ve heard so much about “You are shrunk to the height of a nickel and your mass is proportionally reduced to maintain your original density. You are then thrown into an empty glass blender. The blades will start moving in 60 seconds. What do you do?” It was along those kind of lines minus all the science.
I was in a room with 3 people who loved the sound of their own voice, and every thing they’d done prior to this interview seemed beneath them…these are not the kind of people I gel well with, these are the kind of people who make me ridiculous and sarcastic. The way I see life is that everything you do is a stepping stone to your next project in life, they however did not share this view.
I was basically in an interview room with 3 people far more impressive than me, or at least so I thought. Turn by turn the interviewer asked us about to give a brief introduction of ourselves in front of the group, my anxiety level now was sky-high I had nothing impressive to say. I hadn’t taught children English in a foreign country, I wasn’t a voice over artist, and I don’t even like walking up stairs let alone Everest.
“Hi my names April I work at a football club, I did go to uni but I left after a year…”
By now I was in full don’t give a shit mode so much so I told a lie “I left to move to Paris”
“What did you do there?”
I was in awkward terrible interview territory now and I was finding this whole process personally hilarious
“I went to paint and explore” I said wistfully, looking off into the sunset (I don’t have any shame).
I was being as pretentious as these other 3 people, I wanted to see their rolling eyes and confusion by my answer, but instead my lie was greeted by impressed nods and “that’s wonderful”…this job wasn’t for me I knew that now.
The office was open plan, people were buzzing about in relaxed chic (something I have never been able to master) there were people playing ping-pong and drinking coffee…this was an office trying to give an air of relaxation but it was clear it was anything but.
I didn’t want this job, and this job didn’t want me.
I felt really overwhelmed by the experience, and it took me a good hour to realise I wasn’t any less of a person because I hadn’t done the things that they have done. As soon as you start comparing yourself to others, you are swimming in dangerous waters; don’t do it, just don’t because comparison is the thief of all joy.
Try, try, and try again.
Needless to say I didn’t get that job.